And so it continues... my first email to Mood: mischievious Now Playing: George Michael -- Freedom Topic: Uche, the idiotic scammer
For those of you who haven't been keeping up, "Gavin Brown" is the account manager for the supposed motherless babies home. This is the email that I received from him last week...
From : lawrence joe Sent : Thursday, March 11, 2004 11:16 AM To : loveshoe@hotmail.com Subject : Lawrencejoe Orphanage
Hello Jenny, I know you will ask your self how do we get our E-mail (Yes, I was actually wondering how you get your email!) Mr Uche Chima gave also your E-mail that you will like to donate to the homes which is well come. (Now it's more than one home or just bad English?) You can send the funds to this information below by estern union money transfer today and the information are: (Today? Demanding, isn't he?)
MR GAVIN BROWN (Wait... I thought this email was from Lawrence Joe? Aww, who cares?) 43 Prince Charles Crescent Malinslee Telford TF3 2JY UK
As soon as the money is transfer Via western union money transfer i will need the following information from you to collect the funds here, and they are:
SENDER'S NAME/ADDRESS:
RECEIVER'S NAME: (Wouldn't you already have the receiver's name? Or you just have so many identities you have to remember which one to use!!) TEST QUESTION AND ANSWER:
MCTN (CONTROL NUMBER):
As soon as will collect the funds a letter of thanks will be send to you from the homes to say thnaks for the help. (So nice of them, isn't it?) And the children we appericate all you have done for them for a long time, because Mr Uche Chima is doing the same for us right now. (Mr. Uche Chima is such a nice guy, isn't he?) Do get back at us. (Oh, I will... and I am!!) WITH LOVE FROM THE HOMES AND THE CHILDREN WE WELCOME YOU. Regards, Gavin Brown Account Manager Lawrence orhanage. (Was that Lawrence orphanage or Lawrencejoe orphanage??)
Now it's my turn!!! :)
Hello Mr. Brown,
I am incredibly sorry that it has taken me such a long time to respond to you. As Uche can tell you, I have been dreadfully sick for the past week. I fell ill after eating a tainted egg and ended up in the hospital over the weekend. Today is my first day back to work and let me tell you, it has not been pleasant. I have been running to and from the bathroom all day...my co-workers will not go near the toilet. This morning I didn't quite make it to the restroom and had quite an embarrassment pooping my pants. Can you relate to that experience? But that's enough about me; I am here to ask you about your sweet yummy babies and how I can help them. Where in London are you located, might I ask? I am planning a trip to the UK this summer and would love to see the children that I've helped. If that is not a possibility, would you be able to send me some pictures of them? I am also interested in adopting... my ideal child would have yellow eyes and red hair. I would love to send the sweet babies money through Western Union, but there are two problems: 1. The nearest Western Union is an hour away and 2. I need a receipt for my taxes. Is this contribution tax deductible? So I would prefer to send you a check. Could I send you a check to the 43 Prince Charles Crescent address? Is there an address for the orphanage so that I can send them cards? I would love to send the children cards - and chicken gizzards! I feed them to my ferrets, did Uche tell you that I have ferrets? I bet the children would like to play with them... perhaps I can bring them with me on my trip for the children to play with. After the UK I am planning to travel to Nigeria to visit some relatives, they live in Lagos, have you heard of it? I forgot to ask, who at the orphanage will be receiving the Ferrari that I'm selling? I'm sorry to ramble on so long, but I don't have very many people to talk to. Well, it's time to go to the lavatory again, I'm afraid. I hope that I make it this time! I'm looking forward to speaking with you very soon.
Yours truly,
Jenny
P.S. Could you put in a good word about me to Uche, I find his generosity attractive and I'm wondering if he is married or dating anyone?
*sigh* I will be so bored when he stops playing!
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 3:51 PM EST
I don't think he pays any attention to what I'm saying in my emails Mood: quizzical Now Playing: Sports Junkies - 99.1 HFS Topic: Uche, the idiotic scammer
Hello Jenny, Am sorry for get back at you late there was virus in my computer so it was formated. I hope all is well with you now. As for the check is has been sent and you will have it soon. The chlidren have you sen dthem any thing for the development of the homes i believed you will have done by now and i know they will be playing for you in my heart and i know the good lord we be with you. Do get back as soon as you received this mail. Regards, Uche..
Is it possible for his English to get any worse???
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 8:58 AM EST
hairy lauren Mood: chillin' Topic: Miscellaneous goings-on
Got my hair done today at Rumor's... the woman did an awesome job, I'm very happy. It's definitely different than I've ever had it before, but I think that I may even keep it this length! It's very drastic, bright blonde highlights with dark brown lowlights and some red thrown in there as well. It's pretty wild looking, actually. I'll try to get Kurt to take a picture of it tomorrow so that I can post it. I kept asking him if he liked it, because I didn't think he did. Finally he said, "Remember, I've seen you in all different hair stages, I was the one who told you that you should do something with your hair. Now look what I've done -- created a monster!!" When we started dating, I had long blonde hair kind of parted down the center... never really did anything with it... didn't wear makeup... nothing very feminine. Then I got it cut about shoulder length, got high & low lights... on new year's day 2003, I got it all lopped off & short (you can see the cuts in my Dec 30 2003 entry)... I tried dying it various shades of red... decided I was going to let it grow out, but then decided to get it cut at a scary place right by my house... they completely butchered it and it took about 5-6 months to grow it out to a reasonable length. I had it dyed brown and dark blonde during that time... then I had it cut around December... in January I had it cut & dyed at Rumor's with the high & low-lights and that will bring us up to today. Got my facial last night too.. that was pretty nice. I'm going to try to take good care of my skin (at least for the next month) and see how much improvement I see. Strangely enough, the aesthetician (sp?) told me that I have "normal" skin?! I thought that it was combination, but oh well. That's probably the first time I've been called normal in my life, lol!!!
No word today from Uche, I hope that I haven't scared him off. I may have to respond to one of those other Nigerian scams to pass my time now! Well, I'm kinda sleepy, so I think I'll finish up. Good night. :)
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 10:40 PM EST
Latest email Mood: mischievious Topic: Uche, the idiotic scammer
Haven't emailed this yet, cause hotmail's down, but here's a glimpse of what's to come.
Hello, my darling Uche
Oh, Uche, my health is not so good I'm afraid. The dinosaur egg that I ate apparently had an alien in it and it is eating my insides! I fear that I may be in dire need very soon. Perhaps if I pass away, I can leave my estate to the children? Or do you think that I will go quickly and should send them everything in my account right now? So the check has already been sent? Maybe I should just send it back to you so that you know I haven't cashed it and you can have the car for free. Do you think that would be a good enough gift for the children? Uche, you are such a wonderful person, I would love to visit you in jolly old England. Do you think that we could meet somewhere soon? Where in England do you live? How old are you? What do you look like? I hope that I'm not being too forward. Just so you know, I'm 38 and have brackish hair, blue-yellow nose and an olive complexion. I'm 5'2" and 176 pounds. It sounds heavy, I know, but I'm really all muscle. Before the egg incident, I worked out religiously for several hours a day and also bathed in butterscotch twice a week. Alas, with my failing health I can no longer ride hamsters; I'm afraid that I might fall off and break my chrysanthemum! I left my checkbook at home today, but I'm hoping that I will have time this weekend to send the sweet, yummy children some funds. They do not have a western union near where I live, so I'm hoping that your kind friend Mr. Brown will accept a check. I haven't contacted him yet, I'm afraid. I hope that he doesn't think that I won't contribute to the motherless babies foundation. If you see him, please tell him to wait for my correspondence, I am planning on sending him the money. I look forward to your reply, however I will be going in to the hospital tonight for some testing due to my ailing health. I hope to be home tomorrow afternoon, if not then, perhaps Sunday. I will ask the nurses if I can have a computer in my room, I hope that they are nice and grant me my request, because I don't want to miss a second of speaking with you.
With affection,
Jen
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 4:33 PM EST
You aren't going to believe this Mood: incredulous Now Playing: LOTR Steward of Gondor Topic: Uche, the idiotic scammer
He responded?!?! This guy is just so greedy that he could care less what I say! I didn't know that it was possible for his English to get any worse, but it certainly has.
Hello Jenny, Thanks for the reply and how is your heaith now i hope all is well now. The cheque have been send and i will let you know when you will received the cheque because is come by regular mail from london. the children i believed the lord want you to help them that is why he has send me to you, just help them out in any way you can and i know they will appericate all you can donate to them. Mr Gavin Brown is the Account Manager and a nice Guy to be with all you need doing is to help the homes and when i pay for the car you can also send them any amount you which to send again. The chldren need you and you help them will go a long way in taking care of 15 children for a week. Do not thing you don't have the money God will blessed you 100 times what you have send to them they need you to help them do that and the Good Lord we Blessed you. Uche..
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 3:55 PM EST
I may have taken it too far this time Mood: mischievious Now Playing: Dave Matthews Topic: Uche, the idiotic scammer
I've finally emailed Mr. Chima a response. I had to really think about this one, since I want to keep this going as long as possible without having him think that it's all B.S. See below for my latest response to our clueless villain!
Hi Uche!
I'm sorry that I didn't email you yesterday, either. I fell ill after eating some tainted dinosaur eggs. They are a delicacy here in the US, have you tried them before? I did receive Mr. Brown's email and I am scraping together the pennies in my piggy bank to give to the poor children. Did you ask him about adoption? I really like eating children. They are the Lord's gift to all of us, such a delicious feast! The Lord shall bless you one hundred times for doing all that you do with the children. I have warned my neighbors to stay away from my mailbox, as I do not trust them near the check that you are sending. I showed them the attack ferret that I keep in my toilet for times that they misbehave. Once I had to actually use the ferret, he will chew off your feet if you look at him the wrong way! I fear for my life, as I only feed him occasionally. But enough about me, listen to me rambling on like a crazy woman, all that matters is the children and me selling them my car.
Speaking of the car, have you mailed the check yet? I am very anxious to receive it! Perhaps you could even give half of the money that you are going to send me for the car to the children at the motherless home! That would be a nice gesture, I think. Please get back to me as soon as possible as I am anxious to help the poor, sweet, tasty babies. Thank you so much and may God bless you!
Your friend, Jenny
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 11:07 AM EST
Gettin' the government involved! Mood: suave Topic: Uche, the idiotic scammer
Hopefully I'll get this guy cooked, but who knows... I just sent an email to the UK fraud people, following is what I sent:
Hi, I'm from the U.S. and would like to alert you to a scam artist who is posing as someone from a UK orphanage. This all started when someone emailed me asking about a car that I had for sale (on the internet). They asked me for bank information and I became suspicious. Well, since then I've been stringing said person along, they claimed that they needed the car right away because it was for the "Motherless babies home" in London. I traced the IP addresses of both parties that emailed me (Uche Chima and this guy) and they both came up with the same info, so I know that it's a fraud. FYI, here is what I got: Chibuzor Orie address: 157 Mushin Roud, Isolo, Lagos, Nigeria phone: +234-1-7743447 e-mail: enyioranetcafe@yahoo.com nic-hdl: CO229-RIPE changed: noc@sky-vision.net 20030227 source: RIPE
I know there's probably not a lot that you can do, but I'd like you to have the info anyway. Please contact me if there's anything I can do to help.
>Hello Jenny, > I know you will ask your self how do we get your E-mail Mr Uche Chima gave also your E-mail that you will like to donate to the homes which is well come. You can send the funds to this information below by western union money transfer today and the information are: > >MR GAVIN BROWN >43 Prince Charles Crescent >Malinslee >Telford >TF3 2JY >UK > >As soon as the money is transfer Via western union money transfer i will need the following information from you to collect the funds here, and they are: > >SENDER'S NAME/ADDRESS: > >RECEIVER'S NAME: > >TEST QUESTION AND ANSWER: > >MCTN (CONTROL NUMBER): > >As soon as will collect the funds a letter of thanks will be send to you from the homes to say thnaks for the help. >And the children we appericate all you have done for them for a long time, because Mr Uche Chima is doing the same for us right now. Do get back at us. >WITH LOVE FROM THE HOMES AND THE CHILDREN WE WELCOME YOU. >Regards, >Gavin Brown >Account Manager >Lawrence orhanage. >--
I also sent the above message to the Secret Service Financial Crimes Division.. hopefully they'll read it and at least get some amusement out of the conversation! Funny how well I can still type with this lobotomy, isn't it?
Below you can read Uche's response to my email.
Hello Jenny, Am sorry for not get at you yestaday, it was because of my jobs yestaday but this is the E-mail addresss of the home lawrencejoe@graffiti.net you can get in contact with there Account manager Mr Gavin Brown and i have inform him about you given them money for the homes development he may contact you today on that and the amount you ask me any thing your mind say you should give. Do get back as soon as you received this mail. Thanks, Uche..
So funny... I just can't believe that he fell for all that. What a dumb crook!!!
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 1:50 PM EST
Guinness book of world records Mood: quizzical Now Playing: That band that was formed with the remaining members of RATM and Chris Cornell??? I can't remember their name.. Topic: Weird shit
Doh, I just remembered.... Audioslave!
Anyway, this is a little disturbing and even rather depressiong. See the Guinness Book of World Records page by clicking here.
Here is the text from the page in case you don't feel like leaving:
Longest Surviving Headless Chicken On September 10, 1945, a Wyandotte chicken belonging to Lloyd Olsen of Fruita, Colorado, USA, had its head chopped off, but went on to survive for 18 months. Mike's owner, Lloyd Olsen of Fruita, Colorada, USA, fed and watered the headless chicken directly into his gullet using an eyedropper. Mike eventually choked to death one night in an Arizona motel.
FIND OUT MORE Sceptical scientists thought it was a hoax, so one week into Mike-the-headless-chicken's physically-altered life, farmer Lloyd Olsen packed Mike up and took him on a cross-country tour from Fruita, Colorado to the University Of Utah in Salt Lake City. The axe blade, scientists discovered, had missed the five-and-a-half month old Wyandotte rooster's jugular vein, and a clot had saved the chicken from bleeding to death.
Because Lloyd had aimed the axe so high, most of the brain stem was left at the top of the spine. One ear had also survived. Mike, it seemed, had lost the power to see and to cluck, but could still hear and think. Mike was also growing, weighing 1.1 kg. (2.5 lb.) when he first lost his head, and developing to a respectable 3.6 kg. (8 lb.) by the time he passed away.
Celebrity status was guaranteed when a manager took the chicken on a national tour, and his story was reported in well-respected news magazines Life and Time. Like many legendary celebrities, Mike's life ended in a hotel room. Mike began to choke and Lloyd was unable to find the eyedropper to clear Mike's esophagus. It was the end of the road for Mighty Mike. Gone but certainly not forgotten, Mike's life is celebrated each year by Fruita residents, who simply remember him as, "a big, fat chicken who didn't know he didn't have a head".
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 4:23 PM EST
Uche just doesn't get it, does he? Mood: mischievious Now Playing: HFS Topic: Uche, the idiotic scammer
Here is the latest email that I received from him:
> >Hello Lauren, > Thanks for the understanding and the believed in children that they are the hope of the world. I love children and am not working with them all i do for them is help them out in all there program that is not beyone my rich you can also help them by send some funds to there account manager that way the lord will be bless you so much that you will tell hime to stop. The check wll be received next week and as soon as you received it do let me know because have made arrangement with a local shipping company that will come for the pick up of the car form your location. Thanks, >Uche.. >
Getting even more greedy now, isn't he? Wow, I can send money for the children! He really thinks that he's got me now... notice how he called me Lauren even though I told him my name was Jenny. I can't wait to see how he replies to me next. I guess that I'll have to contact the place wherever he tells me that he's sending the check so that they won't think that there's a bomb or any crazy biological threat in it. The secret service might freak out or something and it'd be all my fault. I'm sure that other people have done the same thing, though. I'll forward them all of the messages that he's sent me. Anyway, see below for my reply. :) (btw, Cakes is still in the box, he's been in there for 9 hours now, go to Junkies Radio for info about the challenge... it's pretty funny... they're really torturing him.
ANyway, here is my latest email to Uche:
-----Original Message----- From: Lauren Grande [mailto:loveshoe@hotmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, March 10, 2004 11:56 AM To: marcus1780@fastermail.com Subject: RE: PAYMENT
Hello again, Uche!
That is so wonderful that you believe in children. If only everyone were like you, this world would be a much better place. I am still interested in adopting one of them with curly hair and blue eyes! Do they have monkeys there, too? Some of those places here take in abandoned monkeys and raise them right alongside the children. What a wonderful program, since I am
also an animal lover. Do you love animals? Back to the children, though, I will be happy to send some money to their account manager if you would please give me the address. How much do you recommend that I donate? Do you know if that contribution would be tax deductible? The Lord cannot bless me anymore than he already has by allowing you to contact me about my car! Helping others in need is such a great feeling. You will notice on my listing that I posted that the car has been sold. I emailed them today to ask that my listing be taken down, since you are the buyer. So you can rest assured that I will have the car available for your shipper to come pick up. What address are you sending the check to, my work address? I hope so, because my neighbors like to steal my mail and that would be horrible if
they take my check! Then I might have to hurt them badly, like I hurt the neighbors who lived there before.
I'm looking forward to receiving your check and also for the motherless babies to drive the car! Please let me know as soon as you send the check so that I can be looking for it. By the way, where are you from again? I can't remember what you said before, my memory is kind of bad because of the lobotomy that I had a few years ago.
Thanks a bunch!
Jen
posted by a cautiously optimistic Redskins fan
at 4:19 PM EST
mischievious
quizzical
a-ok
chillin'
incredulous
suave