I'm still alive!!
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Miscellaneous goings-on
Not much new to report............ Heather and I might be getting a cat... his name is Izzy & he's a gray tabby..... very cute!! :) Hmm... what else?? Brian is still wonderful... got to meet his parents on Easter sunday... it was a traumatic experience... I don't think that I've ever been so nervous to meet someone's parents before. I did okay I think, except when I said "Damn" for a bad hand I got when we were playing a card game... it got really quiet when I said that. Oops! :-P

I'm really freaking tired... I've been running all over the place today... I've been meaning to change my address at school, so I finally did that. Hmm... what else? Guess that's it. I think I'll be able to make a post tomorrow, so you'll hear from me then!

back online....... sort of
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Miscellaneous goings-on
You may have noticed that my blog has been offline for the past week or so...

That's because I found out that some people in upper management got wind of it & obviously weren't too happy about it. Consequently, I was talked to on Friday about 'job performance' type stuff... I'm guessing that since I took this thing down, they couldn't really bring up that it exists... and instead used the "it looks like you aren't very happy with your job" approach. That's the best way that I can describe it. My boss (my real boss, the one that signs my paycheck and gives me my review) was pretty cool about everything though, really... he told me that if there was anything he could do to make me happy, he would do it... even if it meant talking to contacts in other companies where I could find a job doing something more interesting. I did tell him that part of my problem at work is that I'm just not challenged and I'm bored to tears... I've been doing the same thing there for 4 years, and it's just so repetitive and I never really learn anything new. Some people can be happy doing that indefinitely, but I'm too smart for that... and I told him so. He agreed. Part of my 'punishment' or whatever you want to call it is that they pulled my internet access at work. I didn't care too much about that (my web access), but I found when I got back to my computer that they'd just pulled the plug entirely and I have no email either. That's the only thing I was pissed about. I *DO* need email for my job because I have to manage Fuzz's email lists and all that. But I guess that they'll get Bonnie (the other admin) to do it. *sigh*

So I have to decide now what I want to do... I can stay at Harms where I am comfortable, but miserable between my job duties and personality conflicts... or I can look elsewhere, somewhere that I have the opportunity to learn new skills and I have opportunity for advancement. Hmmm.

What do YOU think I'm going to do? :-P

My blog entries are obviously going to be more erratic for a while, since my internet access isn't going to be constant, so bear with me...

Everything else in life is good... I have some other worries and concerns, but I'm trying not to let a bunch of "what-ifs" get to me.

Hope that everyone is doing well... take care.

Me, me, me!!! This post is all about me. Deal with it!
Mood:  special
Now Playing: the killers
Topic: Who am I, anyway?


This post is kind of all over the place and contains a bunch of different things, but I think that the topic of Who am I anyway? is a good one to assign this post to.. it might be good as introspection too, but this is where I'm gonna put it. It says a lot about who I am and why I blog, etc.
Are people right to judge you for your past? You know, I'm not by any means proud of some of the things that I've done in my life, but you know what? I had a lot of things going on back then. 'Back then' meaning my childhood and teenage years. It's no secret that I didn't have the easiest time growing up, but I know that both of my parents love(d) me and want(ed) nothing but the best for me. I've made peace with that part of my life and I'm ready to move on with it. As a teenager, I did some pretty stupid things.. hell, I've done a lot of stupid things as an adult. I won't blame anyone for my actions or the poor decisions that I've made in my life. I won't make excuses for objectionable behavior in my past or present.. I did all of those things myself, made those decisions with my own free will.
I can't change any of those things; I can't take back past wrongs, I can't take back the things that I did that hurt people.. and as I said before, I'm not going to make excuses for doing the things that I did. All I can do now is move forward and learn from those experiences. People that blame their problems on other people get on my nerves.. the people who I have the most respect for are those who overcome adversity and are the better for it. I fully believe in that adage 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.
I read something today that irked me a little bit. I feel like I can't escape from my past and people want to think that I'm the same person today that I was 5 (or even 10) years ago. People change. But some people don't change. At least they don't change much. They stagnate after years of bitterness. You know who most of the people who typically don't change are? The people who live in the same place for their entire lives, who have no goals or motivation, don't get a college education (or much of one to speak of), those who let their past dictate their future. The only thing that keeps them going is reminiscing about how things used to be, maybe embellishing stories a bit, and basically running off at the mouth about other people. That's what makes them feel good. I feel sorry for those people. It's really sad that they have no life of their own to talk about. That's all I'm going to say about that.
So here I am a month and a half from 25. I usually do a lot of thinking before my birthday and I review the last year. Was there anything I would have done differently? Are there things that need to be changed? Have I grown? Have I lived up to my full potential? Am I ENJOYING life?
I have made so many changes in the past year? have I made progress? Hells yeah!
I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes in that time. I make mistakes every day. I could have handled some situations differently. Have I paid the price for those mistakes? Yes. As far as I'm concerned, everything balances out one way or another. Guilt serves no purpose and I try to stay away from it these days. Seriously! My psych teacher says so, haha.
I'd like to highlight my accomplishments in the last year (not necessarily in the order of importance):
Went back to college after a 4 year hiatus
Continued therapy, even though things were going okay for me
Acted in my first film
Bought a car
Got a 4.0 GPA my first semester back to school
Moved out on my own (basically)
Made new friends & reestablished connections with some old ones
Lost 20 lbs between July 04 and present
I?ve kept up with my blog (for better or worse), coming up on a year & a half at Tripod

There's more than that of course, but that's all I can think of right now.
There was something else that I wanted to say as well.. The purpose of this blog is not to put anyone down, this is a commentary on my daily life. Consequently, things happen in my life that might paint some people in a bad light from time to time. These are just my opinions, and are in no way intended to slander or humiliate anyone..this blog is an online diary, and if you read it, you have to remember that you are looking into my private life, and some of the things you read ain't gonna be so pretty. This blog is about ME.. its not here just to bitch about work and/or coworkers, its not here to inform you about the daily news, its not here to even entertain you .. although if it does, that's cool. See the title 'Lauren's inane ramblings'. Well.. that's what this is! Some of it might make sense from time to time, some of it might amuse you, and some of it might piss you off. I'm not trying to piss anyone off intentionally, and if anything you read upsets or offends you in any way, maybe you shouldn't read it.
My goals for the next year:
Maintain my 4.0 and keep attending classes at least half-time, working towards a degree. (I know a 4.0 is ambitious, but I'm going to do my damnedest to keep it)
Do another film or two
Get in shape (I'm not going to concentrate on dieting, I'm just going to eat SENSIBLY and EXERCISE)
Get outdoors more. I want to go camping, hiking, canoeing
Get to Boston at least once to visit friends & family
While in Boston, go whale watching (again), see Sue?s band play
Go on a vacation with (a) girlfriend(s)
Get a passport (I've been slacking on this for a while)
Maintain & nurture healthy relationships (all types)
Set up regular dates to get together with friends
Learn to be a better cook
Volunteer
Go to a Redskins vs. Cowboys game (yeah, I know.. not much of a goal, but I want to be there when they finally beat their sorry asses)
See a Broadway show in NYC
I'm also thinking about taking up a sport or getting back into martial arts. There aren't any places to take Shotokan around here, so I'll probably end up learning a new style, but that's fine with me. I wish that I could get together with the old group on Kent Island that I used to play volleyball with.. that was a lot of fun.
Well, I think that's about all for today/this week.. this weekend I'm going to decide on an American film director for my film class project and I'll also be deciding on my research paper topic for my psych of relationships class. I'm so excited. Okay, not really. Brian called me around 2 and said that there's something going on at some bar tonight down 175..we'd talked about doing the movies tonight, but it doesn't really matter to me.. we'll probably do the movies another day. He has to fly early tomorrow, so he can be the designated driver. :-P

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Evanescence
Topic: Work
I'm about to throw this @@)#($*@)#(%*@)#(* copier out the @#()$*@#%)(*@#%)(* window......

We're having some serious Office Space moments today.

2 out of 3 of our freaking copiers are spazzing out and I'm ready to do the same.

Oh, and I can't find Scarlet Street; my film noir selection for class tomorrow night. I'm not too happy right now.

OH. And that exam/essay that I thought was 3 paragraphs is actually supposed to be 6. And it's due tomorrow night.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH{)#ORIUWUEORIU_#$(*)@#)%(*U$#@)%*($U%()@#*$U_@#)%(87u [0q94uer[0w98{_)(*%#+{)@#$(*% @%B()&@_{#()$* #()*@$()@*#$)$*(}_@)#~


*sigh*

Okay, I feel better now.

But I still want to take a baseball bat to the copier.

Been a while since I've done this...
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: a mixed CD from 3 years ago.......... ahh... memories!
Topic: Jokes & Funny stuff

I don't know why this affected me so much, but I just about fell out of my chair laughing at this one...... maybe it was 'the drunks are prohibited to ride'... or maybe it was 'the black hole of fantastic cosmic space'.... that's some funny shit. God I love that site.

And that's some nasty shit, too... I can't believe people actually eat that crap.

Then again, people do eat sushi.

All you sushi-eating people, you are craaaaaaaazy.

Then again, quite a few of my closest friends like sushi... I don't know what's wrong with them... but I've learned the stuff that I can order at sushi restaurants now. I actually like tempora... that's some good stuff. I'll get Lunch Combo A or B at Tokyo Sushi when I go there with Kathy. I'm not saying that I'll never try sushi again... I might. It's just going to take a lot of coaxing.

My horoscopes have been right on lately...
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: breaking benjamin
Topic: Introspection
This is weird........ I'm feeling a bit of insecurity and panic this morning, but it is probably just that - insecurity.

Anyway, here's today's horoscope:

Though almost everything in your life seems to be going well, LAUREN, today you just might find yourself in a bit of a panic. You might have a temporary fit of fear that it won't last. However, this is most likely due to your deepest insecurities flaring up. Don't read too much into it, and don't pay any attention to the doubts expressed by others. Believe in yourself, continue to work hard and keep moving on ahead.


And here is yesterday's:

A growing sense of intimacy with a close friend or love partner is likely to stem from mutual interests. The two of you might even discuss taking a long trip together, perhaps to a distant state or foreign country. This is not the time to hold back or be too cautious, LAUREN. Your life is very much on track. If you want to get away with this person, go for it. In the evening: Get together with a lover!


Last night we were talking a lot about those kinds of things... not so much about long trips or anything, but going camping and doing outdoorsy type activities. Anyway I have a lot of work to catch up on (shocker)... better get to it.

Walking in a winter wonderland
Mood:  amorous
Topic: Weekend happenings
(This post was worked on throughout the day)

So it's 11:30 as I write this and I'm not terribly impressed by our "Winter Blast" as the newscasters like to call it. That seems to be the buzz word this year. Two years ago it was the "Presidents Day Storm"... after being in Lake Tahoe in December 2002, not much impresses me as far as snowfall goes. As a matter of fact, I've been quite unaffected by it! Except of course when it cancels my classes... then I'm affected by it because my professor decides that she'll just make our first test a take-home exam. I'm thrilled by this. Really, I am. So I have to write my essay and watch two films before class on Thursday. I was a bad girl last week and never finished Citizen Kane. I just couldn't get into it... I think I just wasn't feeling well and couldn't concentrate. I was hoping that they'd send us home early from work today so that I could go home and watch it, but it looks like we're here for the duration. Ugh. The snow doesn't look like it's sticking to the roads... I guess that's a good thing as far as driving is concerned, but those few miles to my house probably won't be too horrible.

I seem to FINALLY be getting over the funk that I've had for the past month. First it was just some random cold thing, I was feeling sick on and off... then two and a half weeks ago I got the flu... then AFTER the flu, I got some kind of nasty head cold/upper respiratory thing. After much prodding from a few coworkers I called the doctor on Friday and they prescribed me some antibiotics... I seem to be doing much better, so I don't know if this bug has just run its course or I had an infection of some sort. *shrug* Friday I could barely keep my eyes open at work and I was feeling pretty awful, so I left work at 2 & went home and crashed. I woke up at 8 when Brian called me (he flew down to SC last weekend to visit a friend) to tell me he'd gotten there safely and that he missed me... ;-) I used this time to take more drugs and then I crawled back in bed. I didn't get back up until 10 a.m. on Saturday. So basically I slept for close to 20 hours. Yep, I must have been pretty sick!!! Consequently from my lengthy siesta, I felt weird all day on Saturday. Karen and I spent the day together... we had afternoon tea at this cute little place in Fells Point... I think it was called the Petticoat Tea Room... they serve you as much tea as you can drink (they must have 20 or 30 different kinds), scones, assorted fruit, little finger sandwiches and then a nice selection of desserts. Mmm! It doesn't look like a lot of food, but when you drink the tea, it really fills you up! We were both stuffed when we got out of there. Afterwards we went back to her house, had a few glasses of wine, and talked about men. :) Around 7 we were both getting hungry again and Karen says "You know, I could really go for a burger." That sounded right up my alley too, so we continued our gluttony at Fuddruckers. Not only did we get huge burgers, we also got MILKSHAKES. YUM!!! Of course, did we ever feel disgusting leaving there, we were so stuffed... yuck! I must have gained 5 lbs on Saturday! Ugh! But everything sure tasted good while I was eating it, haha... I left her place around 8:30 and went home... stopped at Food Lion on the way back for some groceries. Oh yeah, it was a wild and exciting Saturday night for me; I was in bed by 10!

Even though I went to bed early, I got up late on Sunday; close to noon. (for those of you keeping track at home, that would be 14 hours of sleep) Yeah, I was a big slacker, haha... it's okay though, I'm sure that I needed the rest. Heather and I had previously discussed going to a movie over the weekend, and we decided to make good on that plan... we saw a chick flick Sunday afternoon - The Wedding Date... it was SUCH a good movie!! I had my reservations about it initially, but it really was cute. :-)
After the movie, Heather and I went over to the Annapolis Mall... it was Lanc?me bonus time at Hecht's... ;-) so I got another juicy tubes gloss (I was trying to conserve my old one for as long as possible) and this star gloss stuff that is really shiny... as well as the gift, of course... make up is so expensive... I only buy it during bonus time... and what company I use is dependent on the bonus. Lately I've been using more Lanc?me and Este? Lauder. It's all good stuff! It's funny... I love the shiny gloss, but I don't think that Brian likes it so much when it's all over his face! The gloss that came in the bonus this time is really pretty, but it's also VERY glittery. Hehe! Human disco ball!!

Fortunately I got to see Brian last night... I was going into withdrawal after two days without him. I'm sure some separation was a good thing, though... it gave both of us a chance to recover from our illnesses... not to mention that I enjoy the time that I spend with him even more... Plus I got to spend some quality time with friends... :-) Karen and I are going to make (at least) a monthly tradition of getting together... should be fun.

I was thinking about seeing Breaking Benjamin play at the 9:30 club on Wednesday, but I don't think that I have the time or the money for it. I have a lot of reading and work to do for my classes, not to mention that I have to watch Citizen Kane plus some other film... I can't remember the name of it, but it's our film noir selection, which means I'll really have to pay attention. Oh rapture, oh joy.

You know what I love about Brian? (everything, actually...) But one of my favorite things about him is that he knows when to be funny, but he also knows when to be serious. Other guys that I've dated fall on either end of the spectrum and they don't seem to be in tune with whatever the situation calls for. Now keep in mind that when I talk about guys that I've dated, I'm including everyone that I've dated since I turned 18, so I'm not saying how recent these people are. One guy that I dated was just goofy all the time... he was fun to be around, but his humor was irreverent a lot of times and it eventually got old. Another guy was serious most of the time and thought that I was being immature whenever I would do anything even remotely silly. Another I thought had a nice balance of both, but he turned out to be on the goofy side, slightly self-absorbed, and he also had these quirky behaviors that I just couldn't get over.

I think that mine and Brian's personalities compliment each other... he's not too extroverted, but he's not too introverted, either. I seem to date more introverts for some reason. I would say that he's more of an extrovert than an introvert, though. But not so much that he would steal the spotlight from me, haha. Wow, what the hell did I just say anyway?

It doesn't really matter, I suppose. The end result is that I'm happy. Life seems to be headed in the right direction for me these days. And it's not because I'm looking to someone else to make me happy... I did it on my own. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. Hehe. :-P

I dub tonight as pizza and movie night! I'm going to order a couple pizzas from Mr. Pizza........... yummm!!! They're my new favorite place... they're cheap and they deliver!! Hopefully they'll be delivering tonight in the snow... if not I'll have to take my business elsewhere. Hehe. Okay, well I'm going to get out of this place... hope that everyone enjoys the snow (yeah, it finally accumulated on the roads... our parking lot is a skating rink)... but be careful!!!

It's time to come clean..........
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Creed
Topic: News
This is my lengthy post that I've been working on all week.......... here goes:



This post may upset some people, but as the title says... its time to come clean......

It's time for you all to know the truth.....................................................................................................

I'm really a man.

Kidding, haha.



But on a serious note, if you have any inkling as to what this might be about, and it concerns you, you might want to stop reading. If you keep reading, I'll not be held responsible for any emotional duress that may occur. Some of this is a rehash of things that I've already posted, but I tried to include things of importance.

This post has to do with the last several months and the events that have transpired in that time. I've felt somewhat restricted in my posts as of late, because I've wanted to try to keep the peace at work and in other areas of my life. You probably know by now what this is about.........

My relationship with Kurtis has been over for a little over a month and a half, so I figured that enough time has passed to talk about some of the things that surrounded that. There was one event that triggered the avalanche, per se. In that relationship there were problems... outwardly I tried to pretend that everything was okay when it really wasn't... I'm not going to state all of the reasons it failed, and I'm not going to tell you all of the problems, because I don't think that it's anyone's business really. I thought that maybe things would change if this or that happened, but I was staying in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. In the last several months, I stayed because I was basically afraid of being on my own, afraid of repercussions at work, etc. At Shaff's annual party for his drama graduates, I saw Adam, an old friend of mine who I'd also dated at one time in high school. I was attracted to him and he had taken an interest in me as well, and that was the night that I decided that it was time to leave Kurtis... maybe it was that I realized that I was attractive to other people, I don't know... Kurtis's family was still in town for Christmas, and I wanted to wait until they were gone to make my feelings known... unfortunately, he pressed the issue at work one day about what was going on with me, and the conversation took place at work on Tuesday, January 4th. Kurtis told me to get out that night. I had already had a conversation with my mom about what was going on, and we had previously arranged that I would stay with her for the several weeks or month that it would take me to find my own place... so that evening I moved out of Kurtis's and took my belongings to my mother's.

That first week was a bit of a blur for me... I tried to keep myself busy, went out with Adam a few times... was looking for a roommate; I had ads on a few different roommate sites, but I had the best luck with easyroommate.com. Sometime within the first week, I started talking to Heather, my current roomie. She and I seemed to really hit it off & I enjoyed talking to her... she was/is a smoker, that was really the only problem as far as compatibility goes... There was another girl, Alyssa (sp?) that I was also considering moving in with... she lived in Aspen Park. I met both Alyssa and Heather on the same night... Heather was really cool obviously, Alyssa was nice, too... but I didn't have the same connection as I had with Heather. I was still going out with Adam once or twice a week during this time... Made plans to move in with Heather on Jan 22nd. The following week (17th) Adam went to New Orleans with his sister... didn't hear from him while he was down there & was starting to feel like he was blowing me off... that weekend I was set to move in & my new roomies Heather & Tim were going to have a party that same day, so I'd invited Adam to it when I finally heard from him on that Friday (21st).. the 22nd comes, I get all moved, it's snowing its ass off, the party is due to start around 8........ no word from Adam all day. Tried calling, left voicemails, nothing. Not really sure whether to be worried or pissed off. So I'm hanging out with my new roomies and some of their friends, everyone is playing beer pong... that was my first time ever playing, and Heather and I weren't doing too bad! So 2:30 a.m. rolls around and Adam calls... he said that they wouldn't let him cross the bridge w/ his car because of the snow, then he'd had car problems, he'd forgotten his cell phone, etc... then I tell him that if he wanted to come over the next day that would be cool, we were going to watch a playoff game. He said okay. Don't hear from him on Sunday until 8pm. About this time I'm starting to get a bit of a complex. Then I start thinking that maybe I should just play the field a bit... after all, I had a great time Saturday night at the party... I was meeting a lot of new people, what the hell. Then I hear from him the next week and I change my mind again. Tim and all of his friends go to Perry's in Odenton for karaoke on Wednesday nights... I was convinced to go try that out on 1/26... tried to get Tiff to go with me (she'd come over for dinner that night), but she didn't want to be out that late... so she hung out for a while, helped me pick out an outfit (I had nothing to wear, it was awful...I hadn't done laundry, so I had very few decent outfits)...anyway, I go up to Perry's... some of the people I recognized from the party on Saturday, but other people were new to me... I decided to sing "Nobody does it better".. the theme song that Carly Simon did for The Spy that loved me... anyway, I got up there... it was the first time I've done that song in karaoke.. I honestly don't think that I did that great of a job with it, but when I walked off the platform, people were clapping and everything... this guy comes up to me and says "You have a beautiful voice." I was kind of embarrassed, actually... here I am thinking that it wasn't that great and people are saying the opposite... but whatever, I'll accept a compliment. This guy happened to be Brian, one of Tim's friends... so we got to talking... told him that I'd moved in with Heather & Tim the weekend before, that I go to AACC, want to go into either psych or English... I joked that I could go into both and just write self-help books. Said that I grew up on the eastern shore, had moved over to this side of the bridge a few years ago... he knew where Denton was, because he said that he's in Ridgely a lot for work... why Ridgely? Because he's a flight instructor and there's a small airport there. When I say small, I mean small. It's actually down a dirt road. Never been there, but been by it plenty of times. At any rate, he seemed like a really cool guy and we talked for a while that night.

That following weekend, 1/28-30 I went out with Adam & Mike to someplace in Federal Hill (The Royal, schoolgirl night....ugh) that one of my AACC classmates was going to... it turned out to be a bust, so we went to Shorty's that night... met this girl Casey who is a bartender there, had a great time... then the four of us went back to Mike & Tiff's, then Tiff showed up & we all hung out together.

I made plans to go see LC (aka Laughing Colors) on 2/4 at Lapalapa in Ellicott City... it just so happened that Tim decided to have another party on that particular evening... he said it would still be going on that night when I got home, so I stuck with my plan. Got back home around 2 a.m. and sure enough there were still people there. Brian was there, so I talked to him more that night... he was wearing a DuClaw shirt and I mentioned that I love DuClaw... one of us (I think it was me) brought up the fact that they were having their beer release for "naked fish" the following week... Brian asked me if I wanted to go... I thought that'd be fun, so I gave him my number. The following day was Saturday, which was a busy day, had lunch with my dad on the eastern shore, got together with Adam to see Niki Barr play... so he came up that evening, we went to the show, took my roomie Heather and the guy Danny she's seeing with us... that was a bit of a fiasco, because Danny forgot his ID and we had to go all the way back home to get it. Then he (Danny) drank too much and got sick. By the time we got home, I was ready to pass out. Sunday Adam stayed for the Super Bowl... we were originally supposed to be having a party, but two of Tim's friends were having parties... we went to one party until halftime and then went to a different one... this one being within walking distance of home (a good thing). There was beer pong being played, of course... and I was doing some trash talking... which is funny, because I'm really bad at it. I kept calling out "Diesel" (aka Tim, my roomie) and Brian... it was fun... anyway, later that night, around midnight someone gets a call that Brian's roommate (who is part of the group) Mark has gotten in an accident and is in shock trauma. So that put a bit of a damper on things... went home pretty much right after that. Since it was so late, Adam stayed at my house.

Monday morning (2/7) I began mulling over my situation. I realized that I was attracted to someone besides Adam, and that maybe a relationship wasn't what I needed at the moment. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. I talked to a lot of my friends about it, and they all agreed that I probably needed some `me' time. I thought that it would be fun to be single... to date a few different guys... go out, have a good time... meet new people... the only problem was that I had already made plans with Adam for the following weekend... and I felt bad because I thought that I may have been leading him on... but I didn't know what to say. I'm not the greatest person with confrontation... I'll go out of my way to avoid it, which is ironic because avoiding confrontation usually makes the situation much worse.

I started feeling sick that week... Tuesday night Brian called me at 11 to make plans for the following day... he asked me what time I got off work and what time I wanted him to pick me up. I'm thinking "Pick me up??" I thought that I would just be meeting him & whoever else out at DuClaw. That's the first time I realized that this might be more of a date than people in the group just hanging out... I asked who all was going and he says "I haven't really talked to anyone about it, so I don't know." (I think I found out later that he told all of his friends to not show up!) So the plan was to go to DuClaw and then Perry's for karaoke. At any rate, it was agreed that he would come pick me up on Wednesday (2/9) at 5 and we'd go to DuClaw. That night I had trouble sleeping... I was coughing all night, hardly slept at all... by 7 a.m., I felt like I'd been run over by a truck and I decided that I should probably stay home from work and go to the doctor. Left a message at work that I wouldn't be in... got a hold of the doctor and set up an appointment for 2:45. I was feeling pretty awful and I considered canceling with Brian, but I really wanted to go. I decided to wait to decide until after I'd gone to the doctor to figure out what was up with me... besides, maybe they'd give me good drugs to feel better. ;-) So I sleep the entire morning, get up in the afternoon for my appointment... still feeling pretty rough, but the sleep helped. Go to the doctor, sure enough I have a 101 degree temperature... diagnosis: flu. Grrrrrreat. The doc prescribes me some codeine cough syrup and antiviral stuff called Tamiflu. I figured that would be enough to get me through the evening, so I kept my plans with Brian... after all, he was picking me up, and I can't remember the last time a guy picked me up for a date. The concept was slightly foreign to me, but I was quite pleased with it. ;-) Not to mention that the doc had told me to stay home from work for the rest of the week, so I didn't have to get up early. I know, not smart reasoning to go out, but oh well... I figure that since I have to use my vacation time for being sick, I might as well have some fun while I'm taking it!

So he shows up at 5, I'm all anxious, don't know what to say or do... I've been running around trying to get ready, trying to stay hydrated, taking enough medicine to keep me going through the evening. We walk out to the car, he opens the passenger side door for me, then shuts it after I get in. I'm positively giddy by this point. It's becoming increasingly clear that this is more of a date than anything else. I was pretty nervous; I have to admit... would we have enough to talk about? I'd talked to him before - and at length at that... but would I be able to hold up my end of the conversation? After all, I'd had a couple beers before talking to him before... would I be able to just relax and talk to him? Turns out that I didn't have much to worry about... after a few minutes the awkwardness wore off (for me, at least)... we went to DuClaw and had a beer... it was crowded, but not nearly as crowded as it usually is during a beer release... Brian ordered the Naked Fish when it came out (they officially released it at 6pm)... it was a `chocolate raspberry stout', I tried it and it was actually pretty good! That's coming from someone who doesn't like dark beer... it was more of a dessert type beer, and you wouldn't be able to drink much of it; it's very rich. After we tired of DuClaw, we went to grab something to eat at Jillian's... ordered burgers. Afterwards, we played some games... Brian had me do the flight simulator game, he talked me through the whole thing... I don't think that I could fly... too many things to think about! Then I beat him at Nascar, haha... he said there was something wrong with his game, so there should be an asterisk by my win. :-P But then he did beat me at air hockey. :-/ Around 9 we headed up to Perry's for karaoke. It was a good time... signed up to sing, but between the time that I selected my song and my name was called, I had completely lost my voice. I was not a happy camper! Before the end of the night, I'd asked him if he wanted to see The Reagan Years with me on Friday (2/11)... he agreed, of course. I told him that it was my treat, because he paid for everything Wednesday night. Brian took me home around midnight, walked me to the door & gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was so sweet. :-)

Thursday (2/10) I slept until noon, woke up for some calls and text messages (including one from Brian asking how I felt & hoping that I felt better soon). Thursday happened to be both Adam's and Mike's birthdays... Adam was spending his in Frostburg, and I was supposed to get together with Mike and go to Shorty's in Canton... our formal going-out night to celebrate both of their birthdays was set to be Saturday. After the calls, I went back to sleep... woke up at 4, then went back to sleep until 7 pm. Yeah, I was just a liiiiiittle bit sick. But I had a commitment to keep... I told Mike that I'd be there, so I was... Tiff met us at Shorty's, too... so I got to hang out with her... that was nice. I spent the night at their place & when I woke up I felt worse than any other day... I felt like I was going to die... it was really bad.

So I went home & went to bed....... Ended up with a migraine...ugh. Late that afternoon I started feeling like I was back among the living..... I had asked a bunch of people to go to the Reagan Years show that Friday night, but the only people who went with me were Tiffany and Brian... we went and had a good time... it probably would have been more fun if we had a bigger group, but it was fun nonetheless... Tiff and I actually ran into one of our classmates up there, and we also saw a few of our teachers from high school. Very weird! I've run into more people that I went to high school with in the past two months than I've seen in the 7+ years since I graduated! While we were at the show, Brian text messaged me "Having a great time! Thanks :)" I texted him back something like I was having a great time too & I was glad that he came... then he sends "Did I mention you look beautiful tonight?" Talk about making me blush!

I spent most of the day Saturday sleeping... then I coordinated with Adam because he and I were supposed to be going out with Mike & a bunch of other people to celebrate Mike's bday at the gay clubs. By this time, I was wishing that I could have gotten out of going, but I felt I had to follow through on the plans. I went over to Mike & Tiff's... the plan was that the group of us was going to eat at the Owl Bar in the Belvedere hotel and then walk to Grand Central and the Hippo. Tiff and Adam were waiting for me when I got there, so we left right away and went to the Owl Bar... I was feeling pretty miserable on top of not wanting to be there... I was also thinking about how I was going to tell Adam that I wanted to date other people... not fun. I was trying all of those things that they call "cooling off signals" in my psych class, but I'm not sure if they were getting through. The night ended with me not being any closer to a bright idea... so I didn't say anything.

On Sunday, (2/13) Brian invited me to this dive called The Loft in Glen Burnie... one of his & Tim's friends was leaving and they were having some kind of going away party for him. I went, of course... hardly anyone showed up, but I didn't really care... we all talked, shot pool for a while and then went home. I was really starting to feel a strong connection with Brian and I was enjoying spending time with him...

Throughout last week, things kept progressing and we were spending pretty much every spare moment with each other... he kept sending the sweet text messages and emails of course... (where my friends and coworkers would mimic the puking face) he always let me know that he was thinking about me... the more I found out about him the more I liked... and he seems to have a nice family, too...... that's more important to me now than it used to be... you can tell a lot about someone from their family in most cases. It seems like he's almost too good to be true. I don't think that's the case though... I think that he is genuinely a good guy... that's just the way that he was raised. I also found out something else... he lives in Aspen Park...... his next door neighbor is Alyssa, the girl that I would have moved in with if I hadn't moved in with Heather. Is that a freaky coincidence or what - I would have met Brian either way, most likely. Not sure if I believe in fate or not, but you have to admit that it was all pretty weird how it happened.

At any rate, I had gotten a few emails and voicemails from Adam in this time... after much deliberation, I decided that the easiest thing to do would just email him and apologize for the way things happened... he's a nice guy and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm sure that I did. Cowardly to email, I know. I'm just sick of dealing with drama (I have it coming from just about every aspect of life right now) and I didn't need any more problems or responsibilities.

Back to my story... Tim had planned on having a party Friday night, (2/18) Brian was going to come over. Tim comes home around 9:20 Friday night... at 9:30 Brian comes through the door and tells Tim that he was just mugged outside... so the two of them run outside to try to chase down the guys. What happened was that these 3 guys were hiding behind the townhouses & some bushes halfway down the court... it's not a well-lit area... Brian got out of his car and the guys approached him, one of them pointed a gun at him and told him to empty his pockets and get on the ground... he did so & they took his wallet, keys, hat & cell phone... then they ran to a car parked on the next street over & took off. So that was exciting. (sarcasm here) The police department showed up almost immediately... I've never seen anyone respond that fast... we must have had 10 different cops in the house by the time all was said and done. That night I took Brian to his place and then his parents' so that he could get everything straightened out... I wasn't really sure what to do because different people handle those things differently... so I just hung around and was physically there, and he was very appreciative.

So that's about where we're at now........ since we've been dating, we've both managed to get each other sick.... I gave him my flu and he gave me some kind of nasty head cold that his roommate has had. Just as I was starting to feel better from the flu, I got hit with this thing... it really sucks to not be able to breathe through your nose! :-P He's flying to SC tomorrow for the weekend, so I'm going to take the opportunity to catch up on some rest and hang out with some girlfriends.

So now that you're officially caught up on what's really going on in my life, what do you think? Have I lost my mind?

I'm extremely happy right now... I can't remember the last time that I felt this good.... Part of it might be the giddiness of the beginning of something new, I imagine... but everything just seems to be going well for me now... I'm independent, living on my own... I'm working towards my degree by taking classes... I'm spending time with my friends... I met an incredible guy that I seem to be compatible with who treats me like a princess... I'm taking my psychology of relationships class so that I can develop healthy relationships (or maintain healthy relationships)... I'm meeting new people... things are pretty damn good!

Well, that should answer all of your burning questions, hopefully....... I hope that I haven't upset anyone or pissed anyone off with this post... if so, then oh well! I have the right to have & express my own feelings and opinions!!! :-P

Everyone enjoy the snow today!!!! That is, if you have it. :-P~

another getting to know you forward thing
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Sarah McLachlan
Topic: Who am I, anyway?
Here are my answers to one of the latest fwd'd things that I got...... I'm still working on that post, but I'm almost done...... seriously.

Anyway, here are my answers:
-1. First Name: Lauren
2. Were you named after anyone? Just myself

3. Do you wish on stars? Occasionally... more often if it's a clear night.
4. When did you last cry? Been a couple weeks at least...not much to cry about these days!
5. Do you like your handwriting? Heh....... Not really... typing has ruined my handwriting!!
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Honey baked ham from Heavenly ham....... YUM!
7. What is your birth date? April 19, 1980
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Why would I answer that??? Haha..... guess you'll never know. ;-)
9. Would YOU be friends with you? Of course I would......... and I am friends with me!!!
10. Are you a daredevil? At times... I'll do pretty much anything as long as I'm fairly sure that I won't die trying it.
11. Favorite singers? Oooh... toughie....... I'll name one of each gender... Sarah McLachlan, Clay Aiken (yeah, I know... don't laugh)....... ME!!
12. How do you release anger? Take it out on those around me - haha!! Actually if I'm pissed at someone in particular, I'll compose a really nasty email and then I won't send it.
13. Where is your second home? Either Tiff & Mike's or Brian's lately
14. Do you trust others easily? Ehh....not really. Is that bad?
15. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Little Pony ;-)
16. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? French... my teacher (Ms. Nichols) was atrocious... and from what I hear from Stef, not much has changed!! All I learned in that class was "Je suis un anana!"
17. Do you have a journal? Yep, I blog. It's gotten me in trouble before, too!!
18. Do you use sarcasm a lot? ME?? Use SARCASM?? NEVER!!! ;) (for those who couldn't get the tone of that, I was being sarcastic ;-P)
19. What are your nicknames? Don't have any, really... a few people call me L-boogie
20. Would you bungee jump? Sure, off a bridge 10 feet above the water with a 3 foot cord.
21. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Too lazy.
22. Do you think that you are strong? Yeah I'd say so.
23. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Do I have to pick just one? How `bout mint chocolate chip when I'm sick, chocolate chip cookie dough for gorging myself, and moosetracks for comfort.
24. Shoe Size? 8-8.5
25. Red or pink? Red
26. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My lack of assertiveness at times.
27. Night owl or morning person? Definitely a night owl.
28. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? Of course I do.... *threatening look*
29. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Black w/ silver pinstripes and black shoes.
30. What are you listening to right now? Beyonce

31. Last thing you ate? A Hershey's dark chocolate nugget w/ almonds. Yummmm
32. If you were a color what would you be? Red
33. What is the weather like right now? Sunny at the moment, but baby it's cold outside!
34. Last person you talked to on the phone? Hmm... on my cell it was Brian... J at work it was Donna
35. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes... the windows to the soul.
36. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Krys rocks... too bad she had to move to BFE Arkansas!! :-P when ya coming back???

37. Favorite Drink? Non alcoholic - Diet Vanilla Coke Alcoholic - Corona or maybe a Vanillapolitan at Shorty's.......... mmmmmmmmm!!!!
38. Favorite Sport? NFL football.... Go Skins!!!
39. Hair Color? Kinda reddish brown?? The red fades so quickly. L
40. Eye Color? Blue or blue-grey, or blue-grey-green.
41. Do you wear contacts? Nope!
42. Favorite Food? Filet mignon, medium rare. I'm a meat eater....... If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat????
43. Last Movie You Watched? Harold & Kumar go to White Castle (tonight will be Citizen Kane for my film class)
44. Favorite Day of the Year? Either Christmas or New Year's Eve
45. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? How about a scary movie with a happy ending? Nah..... I prefer happy endings... I'm a girl. ;-)
46. Summer or Winter? I don't like sweating, but I also don't like being cold. Hmm. Summer is cool as long as I'm at Seacrets with a frozen drink in hand... winter is good as long as it's snowing outside & I have a cup of hot chocolate and a warm fuzzy blanket.
47. Hugs OR Kisses? Depends on who the giver is!
48. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? This absolutely sinful thing called Molten Chocolate that I had at Finale in Boston. J
49. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? Hmm... probably Heather because I know that she does these things. J (come on, you know you want to)
50. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Krys, because she sent it to me
51. Living Arrangements? Live with my roomies Heather & "Diesel" in a townhouse... but he's moving out soon L
52. What Books Are You Reading? My psych of relationships textbook... exciting, I know.
53. What's On Your Mouse Pad? A comfy foam wrist support thing
54. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Watched MD get their asses beat by Clemson while I was watching Dave Tieff play at Fins
55. Favorite Smells? People grilling/BBQing during the summer, bread baking in the oven, brownies baking in the oven...
56. Favorite Sounds? The sound of my computer shutting down after a day at work... certain peoples' voices ;-)
57. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles
58. Do you believe in Evolution or Creation? A little of both, if that's possible.
59. What's the furthest you've been from home? California... although I'd like to get to Australia in the next few years. Can't get much farther than that!

alright!
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Evanescence
Topic: Losing the blubber
I put on a skirt this morning that I can't remember ever fitting into........ it was quite a pleasant surprise! I guess that I've been losing weight, although I'm not sure quite how... probably just from being sick and not eating as much. Now all I have to do is tone up and I'll be good to go! Okay, so I have a bit more to lose, but at least progress is being made. Stress is probably a partial reason for dropping the lbs too, but who cares? All I care is that I'm looking and feeling thinner... :-P when I went into the doc last week (or was that 2 weeks ago?) I stepped on the scale and I was close to 20 lbs under the weight I hit last summer. I have no idea how I let myself get that heavy....... Ugh! Ideally I'd like to lose another 10, but I'd be happy with 5. If I could just tone up what I have, I'd be happy, too. I just don't want anything that jiggles. Gross. How come cellulite doesn't affect men the same way it affects women???? When men put on weight, it's usually around the middle, but the fat isn't nasty like the fat we get on our thighs....... It's just not fair!!! Bleck!

I'm still working on that post, btw......... maybe it will be done this week, who knows. I've had a lot of work to catch up on, so I haven't been able to work on it quite as much as I want to.

Well I've got to get back to it......... that post is coming soon, I swear.