Me, me, me!!! This post is all about me. Deal with it!
Mood:  special
Now Playing: the killers
Topic: Who am I, anyway?


This post is kind of all over the place and contains a bunch of different things, but I think that the topic of Who am I anyway? is a good one to assign this post to.. it might be good as introspection too, but this is where I'm gonna put it. It says a lot about who I am and why I blog, etc.
Are people right to judge you for your past? You know, I'm not by any means proud of some of the things that I've done in my life, but you know what? I had a lot of things going on back then. 'Back then' meaning my childhood and teenage years. It's no secret that I didn't have the easiest time growing up, but I know that both of my parents love(d) me and want(ed) nothing but the best for me. I've made peace with that part of my life and I'm ready to move on with it. As a teenager, I did some pretty stupid things.. hell, I've done a lot of stupid things as an adult. I won't blame anyone for my actions or the poor decisions that I've made in my life. I won't make excuses for objectionable behavior in my past or present.. I did all of those things myself, made those decisions with my own free will.
I can't change any of those things; I can't take back past wrongs, I can't take back the things that I did that hurt people.. and as I said before, I'm not going to make excuses for doing the things that I did. All I can do now is move forward and learn from those experiences. People that blame their problems on other people get on my nerves.. the people who I have the most respect for are those who overcome adversity and are the better for it. I fully believe in that adage 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.
I read something today that irked me a little bit. I feel like I can't escape from my past and people want to think that I'm the same person today that I was 5 (or even 10) years ago. People change. But some people don't change. At least they don't change much. They stagnate after years of bitterness. You know who most of the people who typically don't change are? The people who live in the same place for their entire lives, who have no goals or motivation, don't get a college education (or much of one to speak of), those who let their past dictate their future. The only thing that keeps them going is reminiscing about how things used to be, maybe embellishing stories a bit, and basically running off at the mouth about other people. That's what makes them feel good. I feel sorry for those people. It's really sad that they have no life of their own to talk about. That's all I'm going to say about that.
So here I am a month and a half from 25. I usually do a lot of thinking before my birthday and I review the last year. Was there anything I would have done differently? Are there things that need to be changed? Have I grown? Have I lived up to my full potential? Am I ENJOYING life?
I have made so many changes in the past year? have I made progress? Hells yeah!
I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes in that time. I make mistakes every day. I could have handled some situations differently. Have I paid the price for those mistakes? Yes. As far as I'm concerned, everything balances out one way or another. Guilt serves no purpose and I try to stay away from it these days. Seriously! My psych teacher says so, haha.
I'd like to highlight my accomplishments in the last year (not necessarily in the order of importance):
Went back to college after a 4 year hiatus
Continued therapy, even though things were going okay for me
Acted in my first film
Bought a car
Got a 4.0 GPA my first semester back to school
Moved out on my own (basically)
Made new friends & reestablished connections with some old ones
Lost 20 lbs between July 04 and present
I?ve kept up with my blog (for better or worse), coming up on a year & a half at Tripod

There's more than that of course, but that's all I can think of right now.
There was something else that I wanted to say as well.. The purpose of this blog is not to put anyone down, this is a commentary on my daily life. Consequently, things happen in my life that might paint some people in a bad light from time to time. These are just my opinions, and are in no way intended to slander or humiliate anyone..this blog is an online diary, and if you read it, you have to remember that you are looking into my private life, and some of the things you read ain't gonna be so pretty. This blog is about ME.. its not here just to bitch about work and/or coworkers, its not here to inform you about the daily news, its not here to even entertain you .. although if it does, that's cool. See the title 'Lauren's inane ramblings'. Well.. that's what this is! Some of it might make sense from time to time, some of it might amuse you, and some of it might piss you off. I'm not trying to piss anyone off intentionally, and if anything you read upsets or offends you in any way, maybe you shouldn't read it.
My goals for the next year:
Maintain my 4.0 and keep attending classes at least half-time, working towards a degree. (I know a 4.0 is ambitious, but I'm going to do my damnedest to keep it)
Do another film or two
Get in shape (I'm not going to concentrate on dieting, I'm just going to eat SENSIBLY and EXERCISE)
Get outdoors more. I want to go camping, hiking, canoeing
Get to Boston at least once to visit friends & family
While in Boston, go whale watching (again), see Sue?s band play
Go on a vacation with (a) girlfriend(s)
Get a passport (I've been slacking on this for a while)
Maintain & nurture healthy relationships (all types)
Set up regular dates to get together with friends
Learn to be a better cook
Volunteer
Go to a Redskins vs. Cowboys game (yeah, I know.. not much of a goal, but I want to be there when they finally beat their sorry asses)
See a Broadway show in NYC
I'm also thinking about taking up a sport or getting back into martial arts. There aren't any places to take Shotokan around here, so I'll probably end up learning a new style, but that's fine with me. I wish that I could get together with the old group on Kent Island that I used to play volleyball with.. that was a lot of fun.
Well, I think that's about all for today/this week.. this weekend I'm going to decide on an American film director for my film class project and I'll also be deciding on my research paper topic for my psych of relationships class. I'm so excited. Okay, not really. Brian called me around 2 and said that there's something going on at some bar tonight down 175..we'd talked about doing the movies tonight, but it doesn't really matter to me.. we'll probably do the movies another day. He has to fly early tomorrow, so he can be the designated driver. :-P